In Sickness and In Health: A REAL Story

“In sickness and in health” is a phrase that is recognized by all. As a part of a traditional wedding vow, it holds true to the sacrifice and devotion that a marriage embodies.

To Colleen, those words are more than just an oath that she took forty-six years ago; they are a way of life for her and her husband John. “All my married life he [John] was taking care of me. He loved me unconditionally and stayed by my side,” said Colleen of her husband. John had always been the provider for his family, Colleen, and their three children. The couple was active in serving the community, and John was a Veteran of the Vietnam War, often sharing his testimony.

In 2010, John started to become forgetful, a road block that eventually caused him to lose his job. The news came as a shock to both him and Colleen. Colleen said that at the time, she couldn’t understand what was going on. John was a reliable, hard-working man, and this behavior was completely uncharacteristic for him. The same year, Colleen was diagnosed with cancer and underwent treatment and several procedures. John stayed by her side, faithful as always.

John’s memory continued to decline over the next two years, and finally, Colleen recognized what was going on. After extensive testing, John was diagnosed with Early Stage Alzheimer’s disease. “Once we accepted it, I reached out to get as much information as possible,” Colleen said. The couple began attending “Lunch and Learns,” sponsored by REAL Services in South Bend, and after visiting an adult day center in Elkhart they decided that the Milton Adult Day Services was the best fit for John.  It was a difficult decision for Colleen, but she knew it was best for John, and it also gave her the needed respite from being his 24/7 care partner.

Alzheimer’s Services began in 1982 in Lake County, Indiana. A group of women with diagnosed family members formed a support group in order to gain information and resources on the fairly unknown disease. The group decided they had gained too much from coming together to just “quit” after their own loved ones had passed, and so they founded the nonprofit organization, Alzheimer’s and Dementia Services of Northern Indiana (ADSNI).  In 2013, ADSNI became a division of REAL Services.  The program is a wonderful compliment to the more than 20 other programs offered by REAL Services that benefit the elderly and disabled people of our community.

Today, Alzheimer’s and Dementia Services reaches eleven counties and serves between 7,000 and 10,000 people a year. In 2004, they opened the Milton Adult Day Services, where John now attends three times a week.

“It was hard for me at first,” said Colleen. “I could easily fall apart once he [John] was away from home.” Then she began getting to know the staff at ADSNI and the Day Services. “Everyone was so positive,” she said. Colleen even receives emails from a staff member, giving her updates on how John was doing each day.

“He gave himself to them and they got to know him,” said Colleen of her husband. “He loves it here [at Milton] and wants to be here. I know he’s having a good time.”

Throughout John’s journey with Alzheimer’s, he and Colleen have been able to take advantage of the many services that ADSNI and the Milton Center provide. Families like John and Colleen have access to support groups, informational helpline, disease counseling, monthly newsletters, and a variety of speakers and conferences, all at little to no cost.

Colleen is still learning how to maneuver her new role as caretaker. When it comes to being the guardian of a loved one she has realized, “you have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of them.” ADSNI, the Milton Day Center, and REAL Services have allowed her to do that. “He’s got his own life here [at Milton],” she said, “but I know that I have my life too because of it.”

“In sickness and in health” is a phrase that rings true for John and Colleen. Throughout Colleen’s battle with cancer and John’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, they have stood by each other. “John took care of me all of those years,” Colleen said, “Now it’s my turn to do the same.”